What You Deserve
by Rilianne
Summary: {KanoKido; Set after the chapter included in November 2015 Comic Gene; First-Person; Kano's POV} "After all... she deserved better." [This is kind of my contribution to KanoKido season because I'm fighting writer's block and am having difficulties with the prompts.]


I lay still in my bed, not bothering to even crawl under the warm covers or take off my boots. The room was oddly chilly—which was my fault for having forgotten to close my window—and I laid an arm over my eyes, shutting out what little moonlight filled the space. A sigh slipped from my lips, and created a slightly opaque fog in the frigid air.

It was late, I knew that much, but I wasn't sure of what time it really was; I had discarded my cell phone on my desk and the clock beside my bed had died a number of days ago. Besides, I barely had enough energy to breathe, let alone get up and get my phone. After thinking it over, I decided it didn't really matter what time I'd gotten in from my walk because even that hadn't helped to clear my head.

The whole thing was rather funny when one began to think it over… I was a very nocturnal individual but at the same time, night was my enemy—the most dreaded part of my day when I was left to my thoughts. The darkness would only stir up bad memories and I'd be left with more a sense of self loathing than before.

I sighed a second time, pushing myself stiffly up off the bed and standing. I walked slowly over and closed the window before grabbing my phone and exiting my room. In the hallway, I quietly shut the door behind me and made my way to the kitchen, shoving my hands into the pockets of my parka and keeping my steps light. I had almost gotten to the doorway when I heard someone call my name in a hushed voice. Naturally, I froze, using my ability to happily spin around to face her.

"Cut the bullshit, Kano." Her voice was rough and she sounded like she had just woken up. For the third time this night, I sighed and let the mask drop.

"That what you want?" I asked sarcastically, not bothering to fake a smile.

"Better…" she mumbled and took a step closer, "What're you doing up?" With a laugh and another grin, I waved my hand in the air to wave away the quiet, solemn mood between us.

"Couldn't sleep," I answered her, closing the distance with a few strides. She was close enough for me to touch and her scent was making my cheeks burn—my mask flickering back on. Her frown deepened when she saw the change and she crossed her arms over her chest.

It was all I could do to not drop my guard as I let my eyes wander up and down her figure.

Her stance and appearance looked so unusually open and vulnerable but one look at her dark eyes and it was easy to tell she was still alert. We both stayed silent for the span of a few moments before I cleared my throat.

"So…" I began, sounding more distracted than planned as I continued to take in every detail of her, "Would you care to join me for a drink, my dear Danchou?"

"Sure…" her voice was quiet but she still made no effort to move. My hand moved involuntarily up to cup her cheek but I stopped myself, turning quickly away and shrugging my shoulders, pretending to stretch my back.

"Want some coffee?" I spun into the darkened room, keeping my back towards her as I heard her follow me in.

"Nngh…" I glance back to see her leaning against the counter, arms still crossed, and the light still off. She yawned, covering her mouth with her long, delicate fingers.

God, _she's_ not healthy for me.

Not to mention that she seemed completely unaware of the effect she was having on me. This just wasn't fair.

I swiftly turned back to the tea kettle and filled it with water before setting it on the stove and turning on the burner. Following that, I began to remove two mugs from the cupboard to the right of the stove.

"Kano…" I blinked, startled by her sudden speech, glancing over my shoulder again at her.

It took a moment to register in my mind but I could see that her eyes were shining crimson, her expression had shifted to be serious and her fidgeting had all but stopped.

"Eh?" I had to admit that I'd nearly dropped the mugs I was holding as I saw her sudden mood shift.

Her jaw was set and her sharp eyes were focused directly on me, but not in the frustrated way they normally were.

"Can I ask you something…?"

"Of course, Kido." I grinned at her in the dark, unsure of where this conversation would be heading.

"… And you'll answer me honestly…?"

"Don't I always?"

"None of your stupid riddles?"

"Yeah, yeah, of course, now what's the question?" I chuckled behind my words but her directness was still unnerving me and I could tell she was losing her nerve the longer we went back and forth by the way her shoulders fell and her eyes lost some of their sharpness.

"We're…" She huffed quietly, "Wh-Why didn't you answer Mary earlier?"

The scene from this morning played briefly in my mind. How did she even know about that? She had been out looking for that Hiyori girl… I opened my mouth, preparing to ask how she could possibly know about that, but she cut me off with a raised hand in front of her chest.

"She told me what happened." At this, she frowned and diverted her gaze. This probably wasn't the easiest thing for her to bring up… and if I were a little more honest, I would've just told her the truth.

But I couldn't do that, _now could I?_

Even if I told her, she would still end up leaving me… so I lied.

"Ah… That… well of course I don't have any feelings for you…" I kept the smile plastered on my face, not about to let my true expression be revealed.

 _"_ _We're siblings, right?"_ I could see her eyes widen a hair—her tough exterior dropping momentarily.

What was I even doing?

Her expression hardened, her eyes losing their unnatural color and her hand dropping back to her side.

"Right," she replied, straining to keep the wavering from her voice, " _Siblings,_ " she held the word carefully, a slight bitterness coming through, "How could I forget…" She didn't look at me then, instead turned and walked from the room.

"Forget the coffee, I'm going back to bed."

I had to keep myself from grabbing her arm and had to reason with myself that if I hurt her now, it'd be better for her in the future. _That_ was why I lied to her, I reassured myself.

But as I heard her door close down the hall, the regret hit me and I set down the mug before sliding to the floor and resting against the counter.

I felt an unfamiliar stinging behind my eyes and let my lids droop. I couldn't cry… after all, _she deserved much better_.

 ** _A/N: Okay, so this is set after the scene in the latest chapter where Mary asks if Kano likes Kido. I will admit, I was not at all okay when I saw the postings about the chapter contents and screamed for hours._**

 ** _So, have some angsty KanoKido!_**

 ** _As always, I'd love to know what you thought of the story~ QuQ_**

 ** _Thank you for reading!_**


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